Sunday, November 26, 2006


Depression comes in many forms and has many causes. Ther are several different substypes of depression. Even people who seem to have the same type can experience it somewhat differently.

As well, depression is an everyday word that people use to describe the "Monday morning blues" and other passing periods of sadness. The result: People often think you are talking about "the blues" when you really mean clinical depression. This can be frustrating for someone with true depression.

In brief, here are some of the more common terms that are used to describe depression:

  • Major Depressive Episode - A period of at least two weeks of feeling extremely low or disinterested most of the day, nearly everyday, plus at least some of a long list of other symptoms (such as insomnia, significant weight loss, and feelings of worthlessness.
  • Major Depressive Disorder - A history of one or more major depressive epesodes without any manic or hypomanic episodes.
  • Dysthymia - Generally a milder (but still serious) form of depression that has been present for a least two years.
  • Bipolar Disorder - Formerly called manic-depressive disorder, Bipolar Disorder involves a history of both extreme lows and highs of mood.

A few observations about depression

  • Depression is hard to diagnose on your own. Our moods affect our judgement of ourselves. So it's often hard to judge whether we are really depressed. Usually it takes a trained professional to make the diagnosis.
  • If you have depression, you are not alone. More that 4% of adult are depressed at any given time, and more that 15% of adults will be depressed at some time in their lives.
  • Depression is not a sign of weakness. Many capable, intelligent, and extremelly accomplished people have been depressed. Being depressed does not mean that you have a "weak personality" or a character flaw.

If you are depress call someone in your area.. Call your Mental Health Counsellor or if you know someone that is depressed, please help them..

Wednesday, October 18, 2006




  1. My partner pushes and shoves me

  2. My partner grabs/slaps me and pulls my hair

  3. My partner calls me names

  4. My partner makes me have sex when I don't want to

  5. My partner touches me in an inappropriate manner (unwanted touching, fondling, caressing)

  6. My partner uses verbal and non-verbal sexual expressions at me (inappropriate body language, gestures, suggestions, requests, and threats)

  7. My partner controls all the money

  8. My partner yells at me in an abusive manner

  9. My partner humiliates me in public or private by calling me names, put-downs, embarrassing me

  10. My partner prevents me from visiting my family and friends

  11. My partner threatens to take the children away if I leave

  12. My partner continually criticizes me

  13. My partner prevents me from going to work

  14. My partner threatens physical violence

  15. My partner uses violent behaviour (punches holes in the wall, breaks dishes or household furnishings)

  16. My partner throws objects at me

  17. My partner isolates me from the community and social gatherings

  18. My partner uses weapons or objects to apply force on me

  19. My partner keeps me from leaving the house

  20. My partner locks me out of the house

  21. My partner destroys things that belong to me

If you answered YES to even one of the above questions, you are being abused


  • Your partner calls to check up on you several times a day, is overly possessive and extremely jealous.

  • Your partner follows you around.

  • Your partner loses interest in his/her own activities to become more and more involved with you.

  • Your partner attempts to isolate you from friends, both male and female.

  • Your partner discourages you from outside interests and activities you enjoy.

  • Your partner needs total control - he makes the decisions.

  • Your future is decided by your partner, although you don't agree.

  • Your partner can't settle differences with words.

  • Your partner uses alcohol or drugs as an excuse for violent behaviour.

If you or someone you know is being abused, contact us.

Call Collect at 250 996 8000 We can help.

Or call your local women shelter

Monday, October 16, 2006

~ What is Criminal Harassment ~ Post 4 Your Safety

Post 4
Criminal Harassment
Your Safety
Ways to Increase Your Personal Safety
Some of the following tips apply if a stranger is stalking you, others if an ex-partner is bothering you. You should not use this information in place of seeking police assistance.
Tell others

~ Tell your supervisor and co-workers. Your workplace may have programs to help deal with harassment. They may be able to screen calls or prevent delivery of unwanted parcels or mail. ~ Ask them never to give out your personal information. Tell your child's school or day care, and give them copies of any orders that prohibit the non-custodial parent from contacting the child. If a stranger is stalking you, provide a description of the person, the car, the licence plates and so on
~ Let all of these people know if you have a court order or peace bond and what conditions apply.
Be sure family and friends know what is happening. Ask them to keep written records and to let you know if the person contacts them.
Keep personal information private
  • Do not use your social insurance number except for banking and income tax forms. It could help someone track you down.
  • Remove personal details from things you throw out or recycle. At work, remove your nameplate and other personal information, if possible.
Take your name off your mailbox or consider getting a post office box.
Be safe on the telephone
  • Consider an unlisted phone number.
  • Carry a cell phone for emergency calls.
  • Tell your telephone company about your situation. Ask about tracing calls and security and privacy features like blocking personal information from call displays.

Never agree to meet the person who is harassing you.
  • Practise Internet safety
  • Be careful about posting personal or private information.
  • Check the harassment policies of your Internet Service Provider (ISP).
  • Do not use your full name for your user ID, and change your password often.
  • Report harassing e-mail or chat room abuse to your ISP. If you know the ISP of the person, tell that ISP too. They can cut off the person's account if it is being used to harass others. Ask about tools to block unwanted communication.
  • Do a Web search on cyberstalking. You will find many sites with tips and information. Some can help track down harassers, document their origin and send reports to you or the police.
  • Do a home security check
  • Ask the police to help you do a home security check.
  • Be sure your windows and doors are always locked and use deadbolts.
  • Change your locks if the person is an ex-partner.
  • Consider security features like motion detectors and an alarm system.
  • Always be alert and have a plan
  • Always think about your safety.
  • Ask the court for a copy of any restrictions in a court order.
  • If possible, do not walk alone and stay on well-lit streets.
  • If you are being followed on foot, go somewhere safe (like the nearest store) and call for help.
  • Always look around and be aware of what is happening.
  • Keep paper and pen on you at all times so you can write down a licence number or other details.
  • Sit near others when travelling on a bus or subway, and try not to arrive at your stop early. If you do have to wait around, stay in well-lit areas.
  • When travelling in your car, always lock the doors. Plan alternative routes and know how to get to the police or fire station.
  • If you are being followed in a car, drive somewhere safe and honk until someone comes to help you.
  • Change the route you travel to work or home often.
  • Make an emergency escape plan. Keep a packed bag and some money in your car or workplace. Let your family know about your plan.
Getting Information, Help and Support
  • Information about your case
  • Check the status of your case by contacting the police.
  • Be sure to use the police file number assigned to your case.
  • Stay in touch with the police, victim services and the Crown prosecutor and let them know of any changes to your address or telephone number.
  • Community Resource ListCreate your personal community resource list. In addition to the police, there are a variety of organizations that can offer support or helpful information. Look in the white, yellow or blue pages of your telephone book for contact numbers for the following local or provincial agencies:

Helpful Resource
Can help you assess your safety and take action against someone committing a crime.

Public Legal Education and Information
Can share general information about the law, the legal system and your rights.

Victim Services
Can refer you to counselling and tell you about programs and services for victims of crime.

Crisis Line
May be able to help with crisis intervention and refer you to helpful services.
Transition House
Can provide shelter, information and referrals for women who are stalked by partners or ex-partners.

Mental Health Office
Can offer information or counselling on depression, stress and mental health issues.

People you trust
Family, friends, doctor, or religious adviser may be able to offer emotional support.

Look for other resources. You may be able to get help from a local women's centre, a sexual assault centre, a gay/lesbian support group, and so on.
250 996 8000

Saturday, July 01, 2006

~ What is Criminal Harassment ~ Post 3 Legal Option

Post 3
~ Criminal Harassment ~
Other Legal Option
Peace bond
~ This is a court order under the Criminal Code made by a provincial court judge, or an agreement the person makes with the court, for a period up to 12 months.

~ It can include reasonable conditions such as not to visit you, not to contact you, your children or family, not to have guns, and so on.

~ You may wish to consider a peace bond if you have good reason to feel that someone like an ex-partner will harm you, your children or property.

~ To request a peace bond, go to the nearest police station. You may need a lawyer. In some provinces a Crown prosecutor or victim services will make the application for you. A peace bond may take several weeks to get, and it applies only in the province that issued it.
~ If the person breaks any conditions, call the police immediately. This person may be charged for breaking conditions, and if convicted, he or she could be sent to jail or fined, or both, and would also get a criminal record.
What You Should Know About Court Orders
Court orders do not guarantee your safety. Some people ignore court orders!

~ Ask the court for a copy of any order it makes.
~ Give copies to your local police, your children's day care or school, your workplace and so on.
~ Never contact the person or break the conditions yourself. Continue to take care.
Restraining order
~ A restraining order is not a criminal order. It is a family court order made under provincial civil law. It forbids a spouse or partner from molesting, annoying, harassing you or communicating with you and the children, except as set out in the order.

~ It serves basically the same function as a peace bond but does not necessarily carry the same penalties if the person disobeys it. To get a restraining order, you may need a lawyer to make an application to the court.

~ A judge can give a restraining order even if you are not afraid for your personal safety. If the person ignores the order, your lawyer has to start a civil contempt proceeding in court. The police do not enforce civil orders. The person would have to explain to the court why he or she broke the conditions of the order. The judge could order that the person be fined or go to jail until he or she obeys the court order.

Protection order
This is a civil court order issued under provincial family violence legislation. Not all provinces have such legislation. Where it exists, it provides various emergency and long-term orders to protect victims of family violence. A protection order may give temporary custody of children and the home to the victim, while ordering the abusive person out of the home. It can include conditions such as not allowing any contact.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

~ What is Criminal Harassment ~ Post 2 Taking Action

Post 2
Criminal Harassment
Taking Action
What can I do if someone is stalking or harassing me?
Think about your safety and get help. The first thing to do is call the police.
Dial 911 if you are in immediate danger.
Call the regular police number to discuss other criminal harassment offences.
Tell the police what is happening.
Let the police know that you fear for your safety or for the safety of someone you know.
Ask for support and information to help you cope.
How can the police help me?

Your safety is important to the police. The police can suggest ways to stop unwanted contact and improve your safety. They can put you in touch with others who can help. This might include victim service workers, transition houses, or crisis and counselling services. They may also suggest safety measures such as getting an unlisted phone number.
The police will investigate the complaint. They will ask about the harassment and collect as much evidence as possible. They may take photographs of damaged property and ask for any written records. The officer will write a report about the incident and ask you to prepare a written statement of your complaint.
What kind of information do the police need?
The police need as much evidence as possible, so try to keep the following:
  • Any relevant details that you know about the person. For example, does he or she have a gun, a criminal record, or an existing court order not to contact you?
  • Written records with details about every contact. These records will help if you go to court. (Try to include dates, times, places and what the person said or did.) Ask your friends to keep records too if the person is contacting them.
  • Things the person sent you, such as notes, gifts, or phone messages.
  • A list of witnesses, including names and telephone numbers.

Will the police charge the person who is harassing me?If there is enough evidence of an offence, the police will charge the person. In some provinces, the police must consult with the Crown prosecutor before they lay charges. However, if the police do not charge the person, it does not mean that they do not believe you. There may not be enough evidence to support a charge and the police may suggest other legal options such as a peace bond, restraining order or protection order.

What would the police charge the person with? Depending on what has happened and the type of evidence, the police might charge the person with one or more Criminal Code offences, such as:

  • criminal harassment
  • trespassing at night
  • assault
  • uttering threats
  • intimidation

Will the person harassing me be arrested and sent to jail? The answer is not simple. It depends on the facts and the seriousness of the behaviour. The police will assess each situation and take the appropriate action under the circumstances. For example, if the police do not arrest the person, they may require him or her to sign a "promise to appear" in court to answer the charge. Tell the police and victim services if you still fear for your safety. If the police do make an arrest, ask them to let you know if they release the person from custody. If the person goes before a judge or a Justice of the Peace, which usually happens within hours, he or she might be:

  • released on an "undertaking" (a promise that usually has conditions to stay away from the victim and other related persons);
  • released on bail after signing a "recognizance" (a promise to appear in court which includes a financial penalty for not showing up and perhaps restrictions like promising not to contact you); or
  • kept in jail until the trial. This might happen if the crime was serious and the court believes the person may not show up, or will commit another offence before the trial.

Will I have to go to court?

  • If charges are laid, the police will turn the file over to the Crown prosecutor's office. The Crown prosecutor is responsible for taking the case to court. If the accused person pleads guilty, you may not have to go to court. If he or she pleads not guilty, the Crown prosecutor would summon you as a witness at the trial to prove that the person committed the crime. Ask for help from victim services. A victim service worker can answer questions about what will happen in court, and keep you updated on the status of your case. They can also make sure you have an interpreter in court if you need one. You can contact the Crown prosecutor in your case if you have questions about the evidence you will present in court.

What happens if the person is found guilty?

  • If the accused person pleads guilty or is found guilty, the judge will decide the sentence. Before sentencing, you can give the court a written victim impact statement describing how the crime affected you. If you wish, you may read the statement at the sentencing hearing. The sentence for a criminal harassment conviction may range from jail in the most serious cases (up to 10 years) to probation in less serious cases. Probation orders can include conditions such as no contact. The court can also impose a fine. The exact sentence depends on many factors -- whether violence was used, whether the person already has a criminal record, whether drugs and alcohol were involved, and so on.

Next --> Legal Option

Thursday, May 25, 2006

~ What is Criminal Harassment ~ Post 1

There will be three or four post about this issue... What is Criminal Harassment, Stalking, How to get help, and how to be safe.

Post 1
Criminal Harassment

Are you worried about your safety because someone is:

  • following you everywhere...
  • contacting you over and over...
  • watching your home or office...
  • making you or your family feel threatened?
You may be experiencing criminal harassment!
It's a crime! You can get help.

What You Should Know About Criminal Harassment

What is criminal harassment?

  • Criminal harassment is an offence in the Criminal Code. It is harassing behaviour that includes stalking. The behaviour must give you good reason to fear for your personal safety and it must have no legitimate purpose. Generally, the behaviour must happen not just once but repeatedly. However, where the behaviour is overtly threatening, a single incident may be considered criminal harassment. It is not an excuse for the person to claim that he or she did not intend to frighten you.

  • Remember, though, some people do have a lawful reason to contact you repeatedly. For example, a debt collector may call you several times. Although you may not like this contact, it is lawful when done according to laws regulating collections.

Here are some examples of criminal harassment:

  • calling you over and over again, and perhaps hanging up whenever you answer the phone
  • contacting you on the Internet or through constant e-mail messages
  • following you, your family or friends
  • leaving threatening voice messages
  • sending you gifts you do not want
  • watching you or tracking where you go
  • threatening you, your children, family, pets or friends

These are common examples. Such unwanted behaviour can be frightening and cause emotional distress. You can take action if this is happening to you. Contact the police to discuss your options.

Is criminal harassment something new?

Harassment and stalking have been around for a long time, but the specific Criminal Code offence of "criminal harassment" was only created in 1993. In the past, the police would charge a person with an offence like trespassing at night, loitering or uttering threats. These crimes still exist and may still be charged. However, since 1993 the police usually address this type of conduct through a charge of criminal harassment.

Criminal Harassmentlegislation is a response to the increasing violence against women, especially women leaving a marriage or intimate relationship.
Who stalks and why?Stalkers have a variety of personalities and characteristics. Some may have a mental disorder. Experts have described many types of stalkers, but they mostly fit into two basic categories:

  • Stalkers obsessed with a stranger: Some stalkers fixate on a stranger, sometimes a celebrity. They may believe their conduct will eventually win the love of their victim. Or they may have delusions that the victim already loves them but cannot return their affection because of some external influence. In Canada, about 12% of victims of criminal harassment are harassed by a stranger.

  • Stalkers obsessed with someone they know: Many stalkers know their victims and are trying to control them, whether they are ex-partners, spouses, acquaintances, co-workers or close friends. About 88% of criminal harassment victims fall into this category. In many cases, the stalking is an extension of family violence.

Although anyone can be a victim of criminal harassment, Statistics Canada data show that about 8 out of 10 victims are women, and 9 out of 10 stalkers are men.
Will the stalker become violent?It is hard to know if the person harassing you will become violent. You should ask the police to help you assess the risk. Less than 1% of criminal harassment cases involve injury to the victim. However, when criminal harassment is a continuation of a family violence situation the risk of violence is greater. It is always a good idea to find ways to increase your safety.

Why me?Being harassed or stalked is not your fault. The person may claim to love you, but he or she really wants to control you. You have the right to reject a friendship, separate from a spouse, or break up with a partner. Just because you know the person does not mean that you must put up with the harassing behaviour. You are not to blame if someone repeatedly bothers you or follows you around. Remember, what they are doing is NOT love. It is against the law and you can take action.

Next ---> how to take action

Thursday, May 18, 2006

~ GIRLS LOOK OUT ~ Safety Issues~~


Subject: Fw: Read it girls and be careful! Guys, warn all girls that you

On March 12th, 2006, Jhessika Petroff a 42 y/o female from Ontario Canada
stopped at her local SHELL pay- at- the-pump gas station to obtain fuel for
her car. Once having filled the tank full and having paid the amount due,
she heard over the speaker the attendant inside requesting her to come into
the station. He told her something happened with her card and that she would
need to come inside to pay.

The lady was confused as her card transaction indicated that the debit was
succesful, complete and approved. She relayed that to the attendant and was
getting ready to leave but the attendant, once again insisted and urged her
to come inside to pay or she could be in trouble.

She proceeded to go inside and started arguing with the attendant about his
threat. He told her to calm down and listen carefully: He said that while
she was pumping gas, a guy was viewed on the station's theft mirrors
slipping into her back seat on the opposite side of her automobile; and he
assured her that he had already called the authorities. She became
frightened and looked out in time to see her car door open and a male
slipping out.

North American Police are currently reporting a new gang initiation ritual:
New Gang members are encouraged to return to their gang bunkers with a
female and/or her car. One way they do this is to crawl into female's cars
while they pump gas or purchase groceries during the night or late
afternoon. Members are also known to slip into unattended cars and kidnap

Police in and around Markham, Newmarket, Toronto, Bradford, Aurora,
Brampton, eastern Ontario, Hull, Gatineau, Pontiac, Lasalle, Lachine,
Kirkland, Pointe-Claire and other areas of Quebec have registered a rise in
this crime.

PLEASE REMAIN VIGILANT and forward this information to other female on-line
friends! and pass this information on to other females: young and old.
Be careful going to and from your car at night.

This is Real ~ We encourage you to verify with the local Police Dept. of
those communities and cities.




Monday, May 15, 2006


~ We drank for happiness and became unhappy
~ We drank for joy and became miserable
~ We drank for sociability and became argumentative
~ we drank for sophistication and became obnoxious
~ @@~
~ We drank for for friendship and made enemies
~ We drank for for sleep and awakened without rest
~ We drank for strength and felt weak
~ We drank medicinally and acquired health problems
~ @ @ ~
~ We drank for relaxation and got the sakes
~ We drank for bravery and became afraid
~ We drank for for confidence and became doubtful
~ We drank to make conversation easier and slurred our speech
~ @@ ~
~ We drank to feel heavenly and ended up feeling like hell
~ We drank to forget and were forever haunted
~ We drank for freedom and became slaves
~ @ @ ~
~ We drank to erase problems and saw them multiply
~ We drank to cope with life and invited death
by: ~ ROSIE, 16, TORONTO ~

Saturday, May 06, 2006

A Little Boys Temper

A Little Boys TemperThere once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily, gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said "you have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.

"You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there.Make sure you control your temper the next time you are tempted to say something you will regret later.

By: Author Unknown

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

~ Can You Listen? ~

Can you listen--REALLY listen? by Roberta IsraeloffFrom Woman's Day

My in-laws had just returned from a harrowing drive back to New York City after wintering in Florida. "The first time the car broke down we were somewhere in North Carolina," my mother-in-law told me over the phone. "We had it fixed, and then it stalled again in Delaware. But the worst was on the Verrazano Bridge during rush hour. It seemed as if we'd never get home."
"That sounds horrible," I said, ready to launch into my own horror story--a car that conked out at 9:30 p.m. in a deserted mall parking lot.

But someone knocked at her door, so she had to say good-bye. "Thank you for listening," she added, "but thank you most of all for not telling me your worst car story."
My cheeks burning, I hung up. In the days ahead I found myself thinking about the wisdom of her parting words.
I can't count the number of times I've begun to complain--about a fight with my son, a professional disappointment or even car problems--only to have my friend cut me off with "The same thing just happened to me."

Suddenly we're talking about "her" ungrateful kid, "her" lousy boss, "her" leaky fuel line. And I'm left nodding my head in all the right places, wondering if we haven't all come down with a bad case of emotional attention deficit disorder.
It's easy to see how this version of empathy--"I know just how you feel and I can prove it"--gets confused with the real thing. Nothing's more natural than trying to soothe an overwrought friend with assurances that she's not alone.

But calamities resemble one another only from afar; up close they're as unique as fingerprints. Your friend's husband may have been downsized out of a job, just like your own, but no two families have identical bank accounts, severance packages or backup plans.

Saying "I feel your pain" also can be a prelude to offering advice "Here's what I did, and here's what you should do." But when a car trip takes three times as long as it should, or your child runs a high fever in the middle of the night, do you really want to hear how your friend coped with a similar situation?
What we all hope for when we're feeling low or agitated or wildly happy is to find a friend who sounds as if she has all the time in the world to listen. This ability to be with someone in her pain or happiness is the cornerstone of genuine empathy.

Fortunately, empathy is eminently easy to learn. Ever since the conversation with my mother-in-law, for example, I've squelched my impulse to interrupt a friend when she confides in me. I'm learning to follow the other person's lead, paying attention to body language, facial expressions, tone of voice and what is left unsaid.
I'm also more likely to recognize and appreciate empathy when I'm the beneficiary. The other day I called a friend to complain that I was feeling nervous and couldn't concentrate. "Want to tell me about it?" she offered. So I rambled on for a while.

Finally, I thanked her for listening, and asked how "she" was feeling.
"We can talk about me tomorrow," she said. Now that's empathy.
We don't always want answers or advice. Sometimes we just want company.

~ Self Esteem ~

  • Esteem is a fancy word for thinking that someone or something is important or valuing that person or thing, and self means you. When you put them together self esteem means how much you value yourself and how important you think you are. It’s like quietly knowing that you’re worth a lot.

  • Having a good self esteem is important because it helps you hold your head high and feel proud of yourself and what you can do. It also helps you to make good choices about your mind and body. If you have a good self esteem, you value your safety, your feelings, your health, your whole self! You know that every part of you is worth caring for and protecting.

    ~ Improving Self Esteem ~

    Avoiding the Negative:
  • Don’t compare yourself to others.
  • Tell the critical voices of friends and family that are shouting in your head to stop.
  • Do not let anyone, including yourself, put you down.
  • Start saying the word “no”
  • Don’t try to change others.

    Accentuate the Positive:
  • Make a list of your achievements.
  • Make a list of your positive inner qualities.
  • Take pride in your appearance, when you put an effort into how you look you feel better and it shows.
  • Exercise. When you exercise your body releases endorphins that actually help you feel better. It is an all natural high.
  • Seek out people that make you feel good.
  • Be your own best friend.

    So take it one step at a time and remember to be patient with yourself change takes time and work.

    ~ Self Care ~

    It is important to take time out of each day for yourself. Set some time aside for you to focus on what makes you feel good and relaxed. This is so important to keep you healthy, grounded and able to care for yourself and others.

    Here are some suggestions for healthy self care:
  • walking or hiking
  • Reading
  • writing in a journal
  • Bubble bath
  • working up a sweat at the gym
  • Manicure/pedicure
  • puzzles
  • Spending time with people that believe in you and truly want to see you succeed