Wednesday, October 18, 2006




  1. My partner pushes and shoves me

  2. My partner grabs/slaps me and pulls my hair

  3. My partner calls me names

  4. My partner makes me have sex when I don't want to

  5. My partner touches me in an inappropriate manner (unwanted touching, fondling, caressing)

  6. My partner uses verbal and non-verbal sexual expressions at me (inappropriate body language, gestures, suggestions, requests, and threats)

  7. My partner controls all the money

  8. My partner yells at me in an abusive manner

  9. My partner humiliates me in public or private by calling me names, put-downs, embarrassing me

  10. My partner prevents me from visiting my family and friends

  11. My partner threatens to take the children away if I leave

  12. My partner continually criticizes me

  13. My partner prevents me from going to work

  14. My partner threatens physical violence

  15. My partner uses violent behaviour (punches holes in the wall, breaks dishes or household furnishings)

  16. My partner throws objects at me

  17. My partner isolates me from the community and social gatherings

  18. My partner uses weapons or objects to apply force on me

  19. My partner keeps me from leaving the house

  20. My partner locks me out of the house

  21. My partner destroys things that belong to me

If you answered YES to even one of the above questions, you are being abused


  • Your partner calls to check up on you several times a day, is overly possessive and extremely jealous.

  • Your partner follows you around.

  • Your partner loses interest in his/her own activities to become more and more involved with you.

  • Your partner attempts to isolate you from friends, both male and female.

  • Your partner discourages you from outside interests and activities you enjoy.

  • Your partner needs total control - he makes the decisions.

  • Your future is decided by your partner, although you don't agree.

  • Your partner can't settle differences with words.

  • Your partner uses alcohol or drugs as an excuse for violent behaviour.

If you or someone you know is being abused, contact us.

Call Collect at 250 996 8000 We can help.

Or call your local women shelter

Monday, October 16, 2006

~ What is Criminal Harassment ~ Post 4 Your Safety

Post 4
Criminal Harassment
Your Safety
Ways to Increase Your Personal Safety
Some of the following tips apply if a stranger is stalking you, others if an ex-partner is bothering you. You should not use this information in place of seeking police assistance.
Tell others

~ Tell your supervisor and co-workers. Your workplace may have programs to help deal with harassment. They may be able to screen calls or prevent delivery of unwanted parcels or mail. ~ Ask them never to give out your personal information. Tell your child's school or day care, and give them copies of any orders that prohibit the non-custodial parent from contacting the child. If a stranger is stalking you, provide a description of the person, the car, the licence plates and so on
~ Let all of these people know if you have a court order or peace bond and what conditions apply.
Be sure family and friends know what is happening. Ask them to keep written records and to let you know if the person contacts them.
Keep personal information private
  • Do not use your social insurance number except for banking and income tax forms. It could help someone track you down.
  • Remove personal details from things you throw out or recycle. At work, remove your nameplate and other personal information, if possible.
Take your name off your mailbox or consider getting a post office box.
Be safe on the telephone
  • Consider an unlisted phone number.
  • Carry a cell phone for emergency calls.
  • Tell your telephone company about your situation. Ask about tracing calls and security and privacy features like blocking personal information from call displays.

Never agree to meet the person who is harassing you.
  • Practise Internet safety
  • Be careful about posting personal or private information.
  • Check the harassment policies of your Internet Service Provider (ISP).
  • Do not use your full name for your user ID, and change your password often.
  • Report harassing e-mail or chat room abuse to your ISP. If you know the ISP of the person, tell that ISP too. They can cut off the person's account if it is being used to harass others. Ask about tools to block unwanted communication.
  • Do a Web search on cyberstalking. You will find many sites with tips and information. Some can help track down harassers, document their origin and send reports to you or the police.
  • Do a home security check
  • Ask the police to help you do a home security check.
  • Be sure your windows and doors are always locked and use deadbolts.
  • Change your locks if the person is an ex-partner.
  • Consider security features like motion detectors and an alarm system.
  • Always be alert and have a plan
  • Always think about your safety.
  • Ask the court for a copy of any restrictions in a court order.
  • If possible, do not walk alone and stay on well-lit streets.
  • If you are being followed on foot, go somewhere safe (like the nearest store) and call for help.
  • Always look around and be aware of what is happening.
  • Keep paper and pen on you at all times so you can write down a licence number or other details.
  • Sit near others when travelling on a bus or subway, and try not to arrive at your stop early. If you do have to wait around, stay in well-lit areas.
  • When travelling in your car, always lock the doors. Plan alternative routes and know how to get to the police or fire station.
  • If you are being followed in a car, drive somewhere safe and honk until someone comes to help you.
  • Change the route you travel to work or home often.
  • Make an emergency escape plan. Keep a packed bag and some money in your car or workplace. Let your family know about your plan.
Getting Information, Help and Support
  • Information about your case
  • Check the status of your case by contacting the police.
  • Be sure to use the police file number assigned to your case.
  • Stay in touch with the police, victim services and the Crown prosecutor and let them know of any changes to your address or telephone number.
  • Community Resource ListCreate your personal community resource list. In addition to the police, there are a variety of organizations that can offer support or helpful information. Look in the white, yellow or blue pages of your telephone book for contact numbers for the following local or provincial agencies:

Helpful Resource
Can help you assess your safety and take action against someone committing a crime.

Public Legal Education and Information
Can share general information about the law, the legal system and your rights.

Victim Services
Can refer you to counselling and tell you about programs and services for victims of crime.

Crisis Line
May be able to help with crisis intervention and refer you to helpful services.
Transition House
Can provide shelter, information and referrals for women who are stalked by partners or ex-partners.

Mental Health Office
Can offer information or counselling on depression, stress and mental health issues.

People you trust
Family, friends, doctor, or religious adviser may be able to offer emotional support.

Look for other resources. You may be able to get help from a local women's centre, a sexual assault centre, a gay/lesbian support group, and so on.
250 996 8000