~ U CAN S P E A K ---U P!! ~

HAPPY BUTTERFLIES

2010-05-21T20:38:00.002-07:00

Time Passes.....

Life happens.....

Distance separates.....

Children grow up.....

Jobs come and go. Love waxes and wanes.

Men don't do what they're supposed to do...

Hearts break. Parents die. Colleagues forget favors. Careers end.....

BUT.....Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach...

When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf,

and waiting with open arms at the valley's end...

Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you....or come in and carry you out. Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters.....

Daughter-in-laws, sisters, sister-in-laws, mothers, grandmothers, aunts, nieces, cousins, and extended family, all bless our life!

The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other. Every day, we need each other still.

Pass this on to all the women who help make your life meaningful. I just did. Short and very sweet. There are more than twenty angels in this world. Ten are peacefully sleeping on clouds. Nine are playing. And one is reading her email at this moment.

Send this message to ten of your friends including me. If you get 5 replies, someone you love will surprise you.

You are special to me!!!!

Run By Women, The World Would Be Better and More Fun ~

2010-04-12T14:56:00.001-07:00

History would have been better had women been the dominant sex.
Published on March 17, 2010 Pyschology Today Magazine

Men define history as a relentless march of progress. I define it as a parade of debauchery and oppression perpetrated by a small group of bloodthirsty lunatics with penises, interrupted by the very occasional humanitarian achievement.
History would have been entirely different, more fun, and lots better, if women had been the dominant sex.

Unfortunately, the die was cast from the earliest stirrings of civilization. The women were squatting in caves and yurts, conceiving babies, birthing babies, nurturing babies. They turned to the men and said, we're busy in here perpetuating the species -- go, get out of the house. Find something to do. Make history. So the men went out and got into trouble.
That's history. History is men bumbling out of the house and getting into trouble. History, as recorded by men, has traditionally been a chronology of wars. Armed agression would not occur in a matriarchal society.

There would be bitchiness. There would be crankiness. There would be sarcastic remarks.
My point is that hostilities between nations would be entirely different things.
You would hurt the feelings of your enemies.

It might even escalate, because that is the nature of the human species. In time, regrettably, societies would develop weapons of mass hurt feelings. These would be cruel, I do not deny it. You would make sweeping, public statements about the children in the other country. "Your children are ugly and have bad table manners."

Then you would feel terrible, and you'd talk about it. There'd be a lot of communication. In a matriarchal society, and the telephone would have been invented very, very early, right after the wheel.

But my key point is, no wars, in part because no one would want anyone else's land. Why would you want someone else's land? You can visit. If you own it, it's just more to clean.
I am not saying a matriarchal society would be perfect. I am saying it would be vastly more peaceful. No society run by women is sending its sons and daughters to be slaughtered by the sons and daughters of another society run by women. Control of the spice trade is not a reason for genocide. Women do not go to war over nutmeg.

Basically, women historians would not have been reduced to defining pivotal moments in history by battlefield events. Chapter 12 would not be "The Defeat of the Spanish Armada.'' That would not be the sort of thing to usher in a new era. Eras would be defined by collective realizations about the nature of harmony, goodwill, and better living through cooperation. Chapter 12 might be "When We Learned That If You Wash Your Hands You Get Sick Less." That would start an era.
"Cooking With Garlic," another era. An important pivot of history would be "The Discovery That Taking Turns Works Well In Most Situations." A major historical figure from the 1200s would be named something like "Phoebe the Nice." She would have an assistant, "Francine the Amusing." We would currently be in "The Era of Good Feeling Because of Epidural Injections."
You see? Better, more fun, and a lot less expensive, even in "The Era of Shopping as Sport."

adapted from I'm With Stupid: One Man, One Woman, and 10,000 Years of Misunderstandings between the Sexes Cleared Right Up, co-authored with Gene Weingarten, published by Simon and Schuster

~ Why Powerful Women are Sexy and Have the Happiest Marriages ~

2010-04-05T22:13:00.002-07:00

Powerful and strong women are sexier than submissive weak women.

Published on August 13, 2008 by Psychology Today Magazine...

Despite the popularity of books about men loving and marrying "bitches", it's really powerful and strong women that men love. We get turned on and not only want to bed powerful women, we want to spend the rest of our lives with them. It's not that we wouldn't take a roll in the hay with a woman we perceive as weak, but unless a man feels weak himself, he's going to look for a strong woman as a life partner.

When I talk about powerful women, I'm not talking only about women who hold their own financially. A woman can stay home and take care of children or get involved with charitable work or as Stephen Sondheim said it and Elaine Stritch sang it, be one of "The Ladies Who Lunch" and still feel and be powerful. As long as a man can't walk all over her and she is secure and doesn't need a man to give her an identity, a man will feel like he's won the prize.

n my experience (personal as well as professional) it’s only weak men and women who perceive strong, skilled, competent and self-respecting women as devaluing and malevolent. The women I've known who allow men to treat them like a doormat, I don't find attractive, and a quarter century ago when I was single, women who allowed me to walk all over them led me to feel chronically guilty and I'd quickly get rid of them. I think that's the central reason why men don't end up falling in love with women who are compliant, passive, and meek. Guys who feel weak may enjoy a woman's submissiveness, but are not happy when he feels guilty about his behavior and the woman responds by being whiny, complaining, nagging and a shrew. When a woman becomes castrating and devaluing, she's actively being a witch and when she becomes whiny, complaining, and self-pitying she's passively being aggressive and evil. Whether a woman takes away a guy's manhood and self respect or she manipulates with helplessness or resorting to tears, a nagging and ill-tempered woman is definitely not sexy to a guy unless he is hiding the very same fear: that he is in fact weak and helpless and hides it with bravado or what we now refer to as narcissism.

Weak women tend to fall for narcissistic guys who give the illusion of being strong. These are guys who need to be admired and worshipped to feel secure, and many women feel safe with a guy who demands adoration. This dysfunctional pattern became the title of my wife's dissertation in postgraduate training: "The Narcissistic Idealization and Devaluation Formulation." She explains that this is a modus operandi that dictates that if you don't treat me like garbage, I'll make rubbish out of you. The outcome is that the man then ends up feeling like he's sleeping with dribble and debris, and the woman feels and acts like she's diddly-squat. If she doesn't allow herself to be mistreated and devalued, a guy with pathological narcissism will run in the other direction and she becomes sexy and desirable to men looking for a life partner as opposed to a supplicant.

This formulation, by the way, is gender interchangeable; men who feel weak and allow themselves to be devalued by women will turn it around on the woman and act like a macho jerk or by being passively aggressive. Like the narcissistic men who treat women abusively, the narcissistic woman ends up disappointed and acts mean because she feels like she's sleeping with human refuse. She thinks that if she is degrading to the man it'll make her feel less badly about herself. What she really wants from the man, however, is true strength: kind but firm, gentle not wimpy, loving while not being needy. In reality we all want strong partners who feel good about themselves and both women and men with weak partners secretly and often unconsciously hope and pray that their partner will show strength and self-respect, because that's ultimately a pre-condition for good sex and love.

Bully are Made... Not Born...

2010-04-02T09:27:00.002-07:00

Top Strategies for Handling a Bully

By Hara Estroff Marano on March 30, 2010 ( articles found in Psychology Today Magazine)

Bullies are made and not born. Here are over two-dozen research-based strategies for helping kids deal with bullying.

What Children Can Do:

A wise line of defense is avoidance. Know when to walk away. It is thoroughly adaptive behavior to avoid a bully. Being picked on is not character-building.
Use humor to defuse a bully who may be about to attack. Make a joke: "Look, Johnny, lay off. I don't want you to be late for school."
Or tell the bully assertively, "Get a life. Leave me alone." And walk away. This may be the best defense for girls.
Recruit a friend. Observers find that having a friend on the playground is one of the most powerful protectives, especially for boys.
In general, seek out the friendly children and build friendships with them.

What Parents Can Do:

See that your child has a grounding in assertive behavior. The real first line of defense against a bully is self-confidence.
Spread the word that bullying is bad for bullies.
Ask your children how peers treat them. Children often are ashamed to bring up the subject. Parents must.
Enroll your child in a social-skills group where children learn and practice skills in different situations.
Model good relationships at home. Help siblings get along.
Increase the social opportunities of all kids, but especially victimized ones. Invite other children, and groups of children, over to the house. Encourage sleepovers. This is your job; parents are social engineers.
Enroll your child in classes or groups that develop competencies in activities that are valued by peers. Even kids who don't love sports may like karate, tae kwon do, and similar activities.
Shut off the TV: much programming reinforces the idea that aggression is the only way to deal with conflicts.
Empathy helps. Instill in all kids a sense of the distress that a victim experiences.
Help your child come up with a set of clever verbal comebacks to be used in the event of victimization by verbally abusive peers.
See that kids in groups have plenty of things to do. Provide play materials. Buy a soccer ball. Paint a hopscotch pattern on the sidewalk. Bullying flourishes when kids are together and have nothing else to do.
Do not tell or teach a kid to fight back. Fighting back is the worst defense. In most instances, victimized children really are weaker and smaller than the bully-thus their fears of losing their fights may be quite real. Besides, not all bullying takes the form of physical aggression. Counter-aggression to any form of bullying actually increases the likelihood of continued victimization.
Do not expect kids to work it out on their own. Bullying is not a simply a problem of individuals. Given the influence of the peer groups and reputational factors in maintaining the behavior of bullies and victims, it is extremely unrealistic to expect kids to alter the dynamics of bullying by themselves.
Always intervene. Adults have a crucial role to play in the socialization of children. And consistency counts. Any time adults do not intervene they are essentially training others to solve problems through aggression.
Intervene at the level of the group. Let all kids know bullying is not OK. Declare emphatically: "This is not acceptable behavior. You can't do this here."
Talk to your child's teachers to find out what is normal behavior for children of that age group and to find out the class atmosphere is like.
Talk to other parents; where there's one victimized child there are likely to be others.
Get the school involved. At the very least, ask that the school declare bullying off-limits. A change in the atmosphere of the school is not only possible, but helpful in reducing bullying.
Go to the school administration and demand that bullies be transferred to other classes or schools. Every child has the right to a safe school environment.
If all else fails, see that your child is transferred to another school. The same child may thrive in a different school with a group of children having different values.

For a complete dicussion on bullies and how to handle them see Big, Bad, Bully.

One Voice, One Community

2010-01-19T18:54:00.010-08:00

NEZUL BE HUNUYEH CHILD & FAMILY SERVICES

BINCHE COMMUNITY

(CLICK THE PICTURE TO EXPAND)

NAK'AZDLI COMMUNITY

TACHE COMMUNITY

NAK'AZDLI COMMUNITY

FOR MORE INFORMATION

CONTACT

MARIA

MAIN OFFICE: 250 996 6806

BINCHE OFFICE: 250 648 3344

NAK'AZDLI HEALTH: 250 996 7400

TL'AZT'EN HEALTH: 250 648 3350

10 Self Esteem Exercises

2009-08-10T23:53:00.000-07:00

by Menelaos Christophi

Self esteem is something that can be improved by systematic effort by the person itself. Below there are 10 self esteem exercises that can be followed by a couple to improve each others' self esteem and develop a more quality relationship between them.

1. The unconditional acceptance

The complete and unconditional acceptance is the most stable foundation to build the self-esteem. Without self esteem, a marriage is left in the hands of our emotions that are a non-permanent element.

2. Forget the past

You need to adopt a positive and hopeful perspective against a background where your partner has proved inadequate. Do not always refer to the past and remind your partner for his/her failures. Forget the past and try to praise your partner’s skills and capabilities.

3. Be careful on what you say

It is unbelievable how much power is contained in the words we speak - what words we use and their effect on people of our environment. The words have the power either to destroy a healthy self-esteem and personality or to reverse the negative image that someone has for himself. In your mouth is''life''and''death''.

4. Be supportive in the difficult moments

Within the storms and problems of your marriage, instead of rejecting each other, it is better to build and support each other. Being supportive will not only raise your partner’s self esteem but it will also improve your self esteem because the feeling you get when you give is one of the factors that can make you feel better and make your self esteem better.

5. Free your partner from the feelings of failure.

Free your partner from the prison of "performance and results", with the gold key that says "freedom from the fear of failure". One of the most common reasons that may impact someone’s self esteem is the fear of failure. If you constantly criticize your partner about his/her failures then in the long run this will impact self esteem. Try to be supportive and do not always judge your partner based on its performance and results.

6. Say "thank you" more often

Paying attention to your partner and saying thank you shows your appreciation, love and commitment. It will not only make you feel good but it will also bring joy to your partner and feeling of happiness that can fight low self esteem.

7. Do the right think

The sincere praise for your partner's choices helps to adopt a lifestyle with obedience to moral principles.

8. Help your partner to develop friendships.

When you urge your partner to make close friends you give others the opportunity to show their appreciation to your partner, and to your partner the opportunity to prove that he/she is very important.

9. Keep life under your control

You should not act spasmodically, with feelings of anger, impatience, and neglect but you need to take decisions very seriously, being focused in helping your partner to build a strong personality full of self-esteem. Problems will always appear in the way but you need to manage your life and also assist your partner to manage their life as well.

10. Discover dignity through the result

It is of great importance to invest in this objective - to build a better personal image for our partner - as this will help us to survive in the arena of life. Our dignity is proved by the result of our effort. Open your hands and offer love to your partner.

UP COMING

2009-07-22T01:21:00.002-07:00

I will be posting information on Parenting, Life Skills, personal development, and relationship... So be sure to come back soon and visit the site.. this will be a useful site for everyone...

"Women's Showing Off " Celebrating Women's History Month

2008-08-12T12:53:00.003-07:00

We are inviting people of Fort St. James and surrounding communities to participate in an amazing event to celebrate Women’s History Month. This event is open to the public and anyone is welcome to come. The theme for this event is “Women Showing Off”, and will be located at our National Historic Park in October. There will be arts, foods, music, and movies showing off the talents and significant items from the women of your life. The opening night will be October 24, 2008. Watch for event posters and brochures.

As the main part of this event we would like to create a display to celebrate women’s talents and achievements. We are looking for paintings, photographs, quilts, cross stitches, afghans, crochets, arts, drum makings, carvings, beadings, crafts, music, talents, books - anything that was made, created, expressed, and used by important women in your life and that has contributed to your own history. For instance, you might have this knife that once belonged to your grandmother. Your grandmother used this knife to clean fish and cut food and passed it to you, and that has significant history. Or maybe you have this particular painting that your grandmother did, and is important to your family and that is history. Maybe your grandmother or mom, or you wrote a book and you are so proud of it; or maybe your mother taught you cooking and that has had a big impact in your life, so why not show it off! Whatever it is that has important value in your life, in your history, show it off. Let us celebrate our uniqueness, our being women, and let us celebrate our history. Watch for participation registration forms available in August 4, 2008.

We are also looking for volunteers for this great event! To All Women of Fort St. James, let’s hear us roar! Let us be proud of our history! Let us celebrate it!

For details or more information please call:

Fireweed Women’s Outreach 250 996 8083

Fireweed Collective Society 250 996 8089

Tl’azt’en Health 250 648 3350

WHAT IS DEPRESSION?

2006-11-26T20:14:00.001-08:00

Depression comes in many forms and has many causes. Ther are several different substypes of depression. Even people who seem to have the same type can experience it somewhat differently.

As well, depression is an everyday word that people use to describe the "Monday morning blues" and other passing periods of sadness. The result: People often think you are talking about "the blues" when you really mean clinical depression. This can be frustrating for someone with true depression.

In brief, here are some of the more common terms that are used to describe depression:

Major Depressive Episode - A period of at least two weeks of feeling extremely low or disinterested most of the day, nearly everyday, plus at least some of a long list of other symptoms (such as insomnia, significant weight loss, and feelings of worthlessness.
Major Depressive Disorder - A history of one or more major depressive epesodes without any manic or hypomanic episodes.
Dysthymia - Generally a milder (but still serious) form of depression that has been present for a least two years.
Bipolar Disorder - Formerly called manic-depressive disorder, Bipolar Disorder involves a history of both extreme lows and highs of mood.

A few observations about depression

Depression is hard to diagnose on your own. Our moods affect our judgement of ourselves. So it's often hard to judge whether we are really depressed. Usually it takes a trained professional to make the diagnosis.
If you have depression, you are not alone. More that 4% of adult are depressed at any given time, and more that 15% of adults will be depressed at some time in their lives.
Depression is not a sign of weakness. Many capable, intelligent, and extremelly accomplished people have been depressed. Being depressed does not mean that you have a "weak personality" or a character flaw.

If you are depress call someone in your area.. Call your Mental Health Counsellor or if you know someone that is depressed, please help them..

AM I BEING ABUSED?

2006-10-18T21:18:00.000-07:00

HOW TO RECOGNIZE THE BEGINNINGS OF ABUSE?

IF YOU'RE NOT SURE YOU ARE BEING ABUSED, ANSWER YES OR NO TO THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS:

My partner pushes and shoves me

My partner grabs/slaps me and pulls my hair

My partner calls me names

My partner makes me have sex when I don't want to

My partner touches me in an inappropriate manner (unwanted touching, fondling, caressing)

My partner uses verbal and non-verbal sexual expressions at me (inappropriate body language, gestures, suggestions, requests, and threats)

My partner controls all the money

My partner yells at me in an abusive manner

My partner humiliates me in public or private by calling me names, put-downs, embarrassing me

My partner prevents me from visiting my family and friends

My partner threatens to take the children away if I leave

My partner continually criticizes me

My partner prevents me from going to work

My partner threatens physical violence

My partner uses violent behaviour (punches holes in the wall, breaks dishes or household furnishings)

My partner throws objects at me

My partner isolates me from the community and social gatherings

My partner uses weapons or objects to apply force on me

My partner keeps me from leaving the house

My partner locks me out of the house

My partner destroys things that belong to me

If you answered YES to even one of the above questions, you are being abused

HOW TO RECOGNIZE THE BEGINNINGS OF ABUSE

Your partner calls to check up on you several times a day, is overly possessive and extremely jealous.

Your partner follows you around.

Your partner loses interest in his/her own activities to become more and more involved with you.

Your partner attempts to isolate you from friends, both male and female.

Your partner discourages you from outside interests and activities you enjoy.

Your partner needs total control - he makes the decisions.

Your future is decided by your partner, although you don't agree.

Your partner can't settle differences with words.

Your partner uses alcohol or drugs as an excuse for violent behaviour.

If you or someone you know is being abused, contact us.

Call Collect at 250 996 8000 We can help.

Or call your local women shelter

~ What is Criminal Harassment ~ Post 4 Your Safety

2006-10-16T20:10:00.000-07:00

Post 4

Criminal Harassment

Your Safety

Ways to Increase Your Personal Safety
Some of the following tips apply if a stranger is stalking you, others if an ex-partner is bothering you. You should not use this information in place of seeking police assistance.

Tell others

~ Tell your supervisor and co-workers. Your workplace may have programs to help deal with harassment. They may be able to screen calls or prevent delivery of unwanted parcels or mail. ~ Ask them never to give out your personal information. Tell your child's school or day care, and give them copies of any orders that prohibit the non-custodial parent from contacting the child. If a stranger is stalking you, provide a description of the person, the car, the licence plates and so on

~ Let all of these people know if you have a court order or peace bond and what conditions apply.

Be sure family and friends know what is happening. Ask them to keep written records and to let you know if the person contacts them.

Keep personal information private

Do not use your social insurance number except for banking and income tax forms. It could help someone track you down.
Remove personal details from things you throw out or recycle. At work, remove your nameplate and other personal information, if possible.

Take your name off your mailbox or consider getting a post office box.

Be safe on the telephone

Consider an unlisted phone number.
Carry a cell phone for emergency calls.
Tell your telephone company about your situation. Ask about tracing calls and security and privacy features like blocking personal information from call displays.

Never agree to meet the person who is harassing you.

Practise Internet safety
Be careful about posting personal or private information.
Check the harassment policies of your Internet Service Provider (ISP).
Do not use your full name for your user ID, and change your password often.
Report harassing e-mail or chat room abuse to your ISP. If you know the ISP of the person, tell that ISP too. They can cut off the person's account if it is being used to harass others. Ask about tools to block unwanted communication.
Do a Web search on cyberstalking. You will find many sites with tips and information. Some can help track down harassers, document their origin and send reports to you or the police.
Do a home security check
Ask the police to help you do a home security check.
Be sure your windows and doors are always locked and use deadbolts.
Change your locks if the person is an ex-partner.
Consider security features like motion detectors and an alarm system.

Always be alert and have a plan
Always think about your safety.
Ask the court for a copy of any restrictions in a court order.
If possible, do not walk alone and stay on well-lit streets.
If you are being followed on foot, go somewhere safe (like the nearest store) and call for help.
Always look around and be aware of what is happening.
Keep paper and pen on you at all times so you can write down a licence number or other details.
Sit near others when travelling on a bus or subway, and try not to arrive at your stop early. If you do have to wait around, stay in well-lit areas.
When travelling in your car, always lock the doors. Plan alternative routes and know how to get to the police or fire station.
If you are being followed in a car, drive somewhere safe and honk until someone comes to help you.
Change the route you travel to work or home often.
Make an emergency escape plan. Keep a packed bag and some money in your car or workplace. Let your family know about your plan.

Getting Information, Help and Support

Information about your case
Check the status of your case by contacting the police.
Be sure to use the police file number assigned to your case.
Stay in touch with the police, victim services and the Crown prosecutor and let them know of any changes to your address or telephone number.
Community Resource ListCreate your personal community resource list. In addition to the police, there are a variety of organizations that can offer support or helpful information. Look in the white, yellow or blue pages of your telephone book for contact numbers for the following local or provincial agencies:

Helpful Resource
Police

Can help you assess your safety and take action against someone committing a crime.

Public Legal Education and Information

Can share general information about the law, the legal system and your rights.

Victim Services

Can refer you to counselling and tell you about programs and services for victims of crime.

Crisis Line

May be able to help with crisis intervention and refer you to helpful services.

Transition House

Can provide shelter, information and referrals for women who are stalked by partners or ex-partners.

Mental Health Office

Can offer information or counselling on depression, stress and mental health issues.

People you trust

Family, friends, doctor, or religious adviser may be able to offer emotional support.

Other

Look for other resources. You may be able to get help from a local women's centre, a sexual assault centre, a gay/lesbian support group, and so on.

FOR MORE INFORMATION... CONTACT YOUR LOCAL WOMEN SHELTER OR RCMP OFFICE.

OR CALL COLLECT AT

250 996 8000

~ What is Criminal Harassment ~ Post 3 Legal Option

2006-07-01T00:23:00.000-07:00

Post 3

~ Criminal Harassment ~

Other Legal Option

Peace bond

~ This is a court order under the Criminal Code made by a provincial court judge, or an agreement the person makes with the court, for a period up to 12 months.

~ It can include reasonable conditions such as not to visit you, not to contact you, your children or family, not to have guns, and so on.

~ You may wish to consider a peace bond if you have good reason to feel that someone like an ex-partner will harm you, your children or property.

~ To request a peace bond, go to the nearest police station. You may need a lawyer. In some provinces a Crown prosecutor or victim services will make the application for you. A peace bond may take several weeks to get, and it applies only in the province that issued it.

~ If the person breaks any conditions, call the police immediately. This person may be charged for breaking conditions, and if convicted, he or she could be sent to jail or fined, or both, and would also get a criminal record.

What You Should Know About Court Orders

Court orders do not guarantee your safety. Some people ignore court orders!

~ Ask the court for a copy of any order it makes.
~ Give copies to your local police, your children's day care or school, your workplace and so on.
~ Never contact the person or break the conditions yourself. Continue to take care.

Restraining order

~ A restraining order is not a criminal order. It is a family court order made under provincial civil law. It forbids a spouse or partner from molesting, annoying, harassing you or communicating with you and the children, except as set out in the order.

~ It serves basically the same function as a peace bond but does not necessarily carry the same penalties if the person disobeys it. To get a restraining order, you may need a lawyer to make an application to the court.

~ A judge can give a restraining order even if you are not afraid for your personal safety. If the person ignores the order, your lawyer has to start a civil contempt proceeding in court. The police do not enforce civil orders. The person would have to explain to the court why he or she broke the conditions of the order. The judge could order that the person be fined or go to jail until he or she obeys the court order.

Protection order

This is a civil court order issued under provincial family violence legislation. Not all provinces have such legislation. Where it exists, it provides various emergency and long-term orders to protect victims of family violence. A protection order may give temporary custody of children and the home to the victim, while ordering the abusive person out of the home. It can include conditions such as not allowing any contact.

~ What is Criminal Harassment ~ Post 2 Taking Action

2006-05-30T01:14:00.000-07:00

Post 2

Criminal Harassment

Taking Action
What can I do if someone is stalking or harassing me?
Think about your safety and get help. The first thing to do is call the police.
Dial 911 if you are in immediate danger.
Call the regular police number to discuss other criminal harassment offences.
Tell the police what is happening.
Let the police know that you fear for your safety or for the safety of someone you know.
Ask for support and information to help you cope.

How can the police help me?

Your safety is important to the police. The police can suggest ways to stop unwanted contact and improve your safety. They can put you in touch with others who can help. This might include victim service workers, transition houses, or crisis and counselling services. They may also suggest safety measures such as getting an unlisted phone number.

The police will investigate the complaint. They will ask about the harassment and collect as much evidence as possible. They may take photographs of damaged property and ask for any written records. The officer will write a report about the incident and ask you to prepare a written statement of your complaint.

What kind of information do the police need?

The police need as much evidence as possible, so try to keep the following:

Any relevant details that you know about the person. For example, does he or she have a gun, a criminal record, or an existing court order not to contact you?
Written records with details about every contact. These records will help if you go to court. (Try to include dates, times, places and what the person said or did.) Ask your friends to keep records too if the person is contacting them.
Things the person sent you, such as notes, gifts, or phone messages.
A list of witnesses, including names and telephone numbers.

Will the police charge the person who is harassing me?If there is enough evidence of an offence, the police will charge the person. In some provinces, the police must consult with the Crown prosecutor before they lay charges. However, if the police do not charge the person, it does not mean that they do not believe you. There may not be enough evidence to support a charge and the police may suggest other legal options such as a peace bond, restraining order or protection order.

What would the police charge the person with? Depending on what has happened and the type of evidence, the police might charge the person with one or more Criminal Code offences, such as:

criminal harassment
trespassing at night
assault
uttering threats
intimidation

Will the person harassing me be arrested and sent to jail? The answer is not simple. It depends on the facts and the seriousness of the behaviour. The police will assess each situation and take the appropriate action under the circumstances. For example, if the police do not arrest the person, they may require him or her to sign a "promise to appear" in court to answer the charge. Tell the police and victim services if you still fear for your safety. If the police do make an arrest, ask them to let you know if they release the person from custody. If the person goes before a judge or a Justice of the Peace, which usually happens within hours, he or she might be:

released on an "undertaking" (a promise that usually has conditions to stay away from the victim and other related persons);
released on bail after signing a "recognizance" (a promise to appear in court which includes a financial penalty for not showing up and perhaps restrictions like promising not to contact you); or
kept in jail until the trial. This might happen if the crime was serious and the court believes the person may not show up, or will commit another offence before the trial.

Will I have to go to court?

If charges are laid, the police will turn the file over to the Crown prosecutor's office. The Crown prosecutor is responsible for taking the case to court. If the accused person pleads guilty, you may not have to go to court. If he or she pleads not guilty, the Crown prosecutor would summon you as a witness at the trial to prove that the person committed the crime. Ask for help from victim services. A victim service worker can answer questions about what will happen in court, and keep you updated on the status of your case. They can also make sure you have an interpreter in court if you need one. You can contact the Crown prosecutor in your case if you have questions about the evidence you will present in court.

What happens if the person is found guilty?

If the accused person pleads guilty or is found guilty, the judge will decide the sentence. Before sentencing, you can give the court a written victim impact statement describing how the crime affected you. If you wish, you may read the statement at the sentencing hearing. The sentence for a criminal harassment conviction may range from jail in the most serious cases (up to 10 years) to probation in less serious cases. Probation orders can include conditions such as no contact. The court can also impose a fine. The exact sentence depends on many factors -- whether violence was used, whether the person already has a criminal record, whether drugs and alcohol were involved, and so on.

Next --> Legal Option

~ What is Criminal Harassment ~ Post 1

2006-05-25T01:34:00.000-07:00

There will be three or four post about this issue... What is Criminal Harassment, Stalking, How to get help, and how to be safe.

Post 1
Criminal Harassment

Are you worried about your safety because someone is:

following you everywhere...
contacting you over and over...
watching your home or office...
making you or your family feel threatened?

You may be experiencing criminal harassment!
It's a crime! You can get help.

What You Should Know About Criminal Harassment

What is criminal harassment?

Criminal harassment is an offence in the Criminal Code. It is harassing behaviour that includes stalking. The behaviour must give you good reason to fear for your personal safety and it must have no legitimate purpose. Generally, the behaviour must happen not just once but repeatedly. However, where the behaviour is overtly threatening, a single incident may be considered criminal harassment. It is not an excuse for the person to claim that he or she did not intend to frighten you.

Remember, though, some people do have a lawful reason to contact you repeatedly. For example, a debt collector may call you several times. Although you may not like this contact, it is lawful when done according to laws regulating collections.

Here are some examples of criminal harassment:

calling you over and over again, and perhaps hanging up whenever you answer the phone
contacting you on the Internet or through constant e-mail messages
following you, your family or friends
leaving threatening voice messages
sending you gifts you do not want
watching you or tracking where you go
threatening you, your children, family, pets or friends

These are common examples. Such unwanted behaviour can be frightening and cause emotional distress. You can take action if this is happening to you. Contact the police to discuss your options.

Is criminal harassment something new?

Harassment and stalking have been around for a long time, but the specific Criminal Code offence of "criminal harassment" was only created in 1993. In the past, the police would charge a person with an offence like trespassing at night, loitering or uttering threats. These crimes still exist and may still be charged. However, since 1993 the police usually address this type of conduct through a charge of criminal harassment.

Criminal Harassmentlegislation is a response to the increasing violence against women, especially women leaving a marriage or intimate relationship.
Who stalks and why?Stalkers have a variety of personalities and characteristics. Some may have a mental disorder. Experts have described many types of stalkers, but they mostly fit into two basic categories:

Stalkers obsessed with a stranger: Some stalkers fixate on a stranger, sometimes a celebrity. They may believe their conduct will eventually win the love of their victim. Or they may have delusions that the victim already loves them but cannot return their affection because of some external influence. In Canada, about 12% of victims of criminal harassment are harassed by a stranger.

Stalkers obsessed with someone they know: Many stalkers know their victims and are trying to control them, whether they are ex-partners, spouses, acquaintances, co-workers or close friends. About 88% of criminal harassment victims fall into this category. In many cases, the stalking is an extension of family violence.

Although anyone can be a victim of criminal harassment, Statistics Canada data show that about 8 out of 10 victims are women, and 9 out of 10 stalkers are men.
Will the stalker become violent?It is hard to know if the person harassing you will become violent. You should ask the police to help you assess the risk. Less than 1% of criminal harassment cases involve injury to the victim. However, when criminal harassment is a continuation of a family violence situation the risk of violence is greater. It is always a good idea to find ways to increase your safety.

Why me?Being harassed or stalked is not your fault. The person may claim to love you, but he or she really wants to control you. You have the right to reject a friendship, separate from a spouse, or break up with a partner. Just because you know the person does not mean that you must put up with the harassing behaviour. You are not to blame if someone repeatedly bothers you or follows you around. Remember, what they are doing is NOT love. It is against the law and you can take action.

Next ---> how to take action

~ GIRLS LOOK OUT ~ Safety Issues~~

2006-05-18T03:03:00.000-07:00

PLEASE READ THIS CAREFULLY AND BE CAREFUL!!

Subject: Fw: Read it girls and be careful! Guys, warn all girls that you
know!!

On March 12th, 2006, Jhessika Petroff a 42 y/o female from Ontario Canada
stopped at her local SHELL pay- at- the-pump gas station to obtain fuel for
her car. Once having filled the tank full and having paid the amount due,
she heard over the speaker the attendant inside requesting her to come into
the station. He told her something happened with her card and that she would
need to come inside to pay.

The lady was confused as her card transaction indicated that the debit was
succesful, complete and approved. She relayed that to the attendant and was
getting ready to leave but the attendant, once again insisted and urged her
to come inside to pay or she could be in trouble.

She proceeded to go inside and started arguing with the attendant about his
threat. He told her to calm down and listen carefully: He said that while
she was pumping gas, a guy was viewed on the station's theft mirrors
slipping into her back seat on the opposite side of her automobile; and he
assured her that he had already called the authorities. She became
frightened and looked out in time to see her car door open and a male
slipping out.

North American Police are currently reporting a new gang initiation ritual:
New Gang members are encouraged to return to their gang bunkers with a
female and/or her car. One way they do this is to crawl into female's cars
while they pump gas or purchase groceries during the night or late
afternoon. Members are also known to slip into unattended cars and kidnap
females.

Police in and around Markham, Newmarket, Toronto, Bradford, Aurora,
Brampton, eastern Ontario, Hull, Gatineau, Pontiac, Lasalle, Lachine,
Kirkland, Pointe-Claire and other areas of Quebec have registered a rise in
this crime.

PLEASE REMAIN VIGILANT and forward this information to other female on-line
friends! and pass this information on to other females: young and old.
Be careful going to and from your car at night.

This is Real ~ We encourage you to verify with the local Police Dept. of
those communities and cities.

1. ALWAYS LOCK YOUR CAR DOORS, EVEN IF YOU'RE GONE FOR JUST A SECOND.

2. CHECK BACK-SEAT AREA OF YOUR CAR WHEN APPROACHING IT FOR RE-ENTRY, AND CHECK THE BACK BEFORE GETTING IN.

3. ALWAYS BE AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS IN YOUR GENERAL VICINITY,
PARTICULARLY AT NIGHT.

~ ON DRINKING ~

2006-05-15T02:27:00.000-07:00

~ We drank for happiness and became unhappy

~ We drank for joy and became miserable

~ We drank for sociability and became argumentative

~ we drank for sophistication and became obnoxious

~ @@~

~ We drank for for friendship and made enemies

~ We drank for for sleep and awakened without rest

~ We drank for strength and felt weak

~ We drank medicinally and acquired health problems

~ @ @ ~

~ We drank for relaxation and got the sakes

~ We drank for bravery and became afraid

~ We drank for for confidence and became doubtful

~ We drank to make conversation easier and slurred our speech

~ @@ ~

~ We drank to feel heavenly and ended up feeling like hell

~ We drank to forget and were forever haunted

~ We drank for freedom and became slaves

~ @ @ ~

~ We drank to erase problems and saw them multiply

~ We drank to cope with life and invited death

by: ~ ROSIE, 16, TORONTO ~

A Little Boys Temper

2006-05-06T14:42:00.000-07:00

A Little Boys TemperThere once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily, gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said "you have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.

"You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there.Make sure you control your temper the next time you are tempted to say something you will regret later.

By: Author Unknown

~ Can You Listen? ~

2006-04-19T13:30:00.000-07:00

Can you listen--REALLY listen? by Roberta IsraeloffFrom Woman's Day

My in-laws had just returned from a harrowing drive back to New York City after wintering in Florida. "The first time the car broke down we were somewhere in North Carolina," my mother-in-law told me over the phone. "We had it fixed, and then it stalled again in Delaware. But the worst was on the Verrazano Bridge during rush hour. It seemed as if we'd never get home."
"That sounds horrible," I said, ready to launch into my own horror story--a car that conked out at 9:30 p.m. in a deserted mall parking lot.

But someone knocked at her door, so she had to say good-bye. "Thank you for listening," she added, "but thank you most of all for not telling me your worst car story."
My cheeks burning, I hung up. In the days ahead I found myself thinking about the wisdom of her parting words.
I can't count the number of times I've begun to complain--about a fight with my son, a professional disappointment or even car problems--only to have my friend cut me off with "The same thing just happened to me."

Suddenly we're talking about "her" ungrateful kid, "her" lousy boss, "her" leaky fuel line. And I'm left nodding my head in all the right places, wondering if we haven't all come down with a bad case of emotional attention deficit disorder.
It's easy to see how this version of empathy--"I know just how you feel and I can prove it"--gets confused with the real thing. Nothing's more natural than trying to soothe an overwrought friend with assurances that she's not alone.

But calamities resemble one another only from afar; up close they're as unique as fingerprints. Your friend's husband may have been downsized out of a job, just like your own, but no two families have identical bank accounts, severance packages or backup plans.

Saying "I feel your pain" also can be a prelude to offering advice "Here's what I did, and here's what you should do." But when a car trip takes three times as long as it should, or your child runs a high fever in the middle of the night, do you really want to hear how your friend coped with a similar situation?
What we all hope for when we're feeling low or agitated or wildly happy is to find a friend who sounds as if she has all the time in the world to listen. This ability to be with someone in her pain or happiness is the cornerstone of genuine empathy.

Fortunately, empathy is eminently easy to learn. Ever since the conversation with my mother-in-law, for example, I've squelched my impulse to interrupt a friend when she confides in me. I'm learning to follow the other person's lead, paying attention to body language, facial expressions, tone of voice and what is left unsaid.
I'm also more likely to recognize and appreciate empathy when I'm the beneficiary. The other day I called a friend to complain that I was feeling nervous and couldn't concentrate. "Want to tell me about it?" she offered. So I rambled on for a while.

Finally, I thanked her for listening, and asked how "she" was feeling.
"We can talk about me tomorrow," she said. Now that's empathy.
We don't always want answers or advice. Sometimes we just want company.

~ Self Esteem ~

2006-04-19T13:14:00.000-07:00

Esteem is a fancy word for thinking that someone or something is important or valuing that person or thing, and self means you. When you put them together self esteem means how much you value yourself and how important you think you are. It’s like quietly knowing that you’re worth a lot.

Having a good self esteem is important because it helps you hold your head high and feel proud of yourself and what you can do. It also helps you to make good choices about your mind and body. If you have a good self esteem, you value your safety, your feelings, your health, your whole self! You know that every part of you is worth caring for and protecting.

~ Improving Self Esteem ~

Avoiding the Negative:
Don’t compare yourself to others.
Tell the critical voices of friends and family that are shouting in your head to stop.
Do not let anyone, including yourself, put you down.
Start saying the word “no”
Don’t try to change others.

Accentuate the Positive:
Make a list of your achievements.
Make a list of your positive inner qualities.
Take pride in your appearance, when you put an effort into how you look you feel better and it shows.
Exercise. When you exercise your body releases endorphins that actually help you feel better. It is an all natural high.
Seek out people that make you feel good.
Be your own best friend.

So take it one step at a time and remember to be patient with yourself change takes time and work.

~ Self Care ~

It is important to take time out of each day for yourself. Set some time aside for you to focus on what makes you feel good and relaxed. This is so important to keep you healthy, grounded and able to care for yourself and others.

Here are some suggestions for healthy self care:
walking or hiking
Reading
writing in a journal
Bubble bath
working up a sweat at the gym
Manicure/pedicure
puzzles
Spending time with people that believe in you and truly want to see you succeed

~ EFFECTS OF ABUSE ON WOMEN~

2005-10-10T21:10:00.000-07:00

(information taken from the publication "Wife Assault Hurts Us All"

It is a fact that abuse by a partner affects women in many ways.

Sometime, it is difficult to cope with everday things.
It is difficult, sometimes, to have energy to complete different tasks.
You may find yourself less patient with your children.
You may find yourself physically ill and in need of medication.

This is not unusual for many experiencing abuse. You may be affected by abuse in different ways.

~ Self-Esteem~

Our self-esteem or self-concenpt is a measure of how we feel about ourselves. Low Self-esteem creates feeling of self-doubt and worthlessness, taking away the self-confidence needed to make decisions and to solve probles. When our own feelings and judgement cannot be trusted, solving even small problems becomes difficults. In many cases low self-esteem and poor self-esteem may lead to depression. Depression is a medical condition that often requires medication or therapy to be effectively treated. Low Self-esteem can also result in a disregards for personal appearance and health.

~ Feeling of Helplessness~

In abusive relationships, the abuse man maintain control of his partner's actions by physically, sexually, and psychologically abusing her. If the assaulted women tries to regain some control, the abuser may become more controlling. Her repeated unsuccessfull attempts at stopping his violence reinforce her feeling of helplessness. As a result the assaulted woman may give up trying to break the cycle of violence.

~ Self Blame and Guilt~

Many women are used to looking after the emotional needs of their family. When the emotional well-being of the family is suffering, as it does when abuse is present, the woman tends to blame herself and tends to believe she fails in her role to look after her family. Some women have hidden the abuse for years because of the guilt and shame they feel. The partners usually encourage this thinking by blaming her for the abuse. This results in the women falsely believing she has failed as emotional caretaker and that she causes and deserves the abuse.

~ Denying and Minimizing~

Denying and minimizing abuse are two ways of coping with his violences, although they are ineffective. They increase the danger already present by encouraging the victim to disregard signals which can warm her of further assaults.

Abused women frequently deny being victims of wife assaults and that a pattern of abused has been established. A false sense of responsibility for the violence and embarrassment prevents her from telling others about it. Other excusses can be made to explain away the violence and to renew hope for the relationship.

Minimizing abuse downplays its seriousness. Often women avoid accepting the reality that they are being abused by comparing themselves to others who have endure more extreme acts of physical and psychological abuse. Their own situations then seem much less serious and much less dangerous.

~ Drug and Alcohol Abuse~

Victim of wife assault suffer from stress and tension. Many abused women turn to drugs and alcohol to avoid confronting their abusive situation. Continued use of these substances lead to dependency for may women. Substance abuse added to the assaulted woman's problem. The abused woman who tries to deal effectively with her substance dependence and her violent situation at the same time is easily overwhelmed.

Alcohol and illegal drugs are obvious examples of abused substances, but abuse of drug given by doctors accounts for much of the substance abuse among women who experienced violence. Sleeping pills, pain killers and traquilizers are the more commonly abused prescription drugs.

Slide Show from Amnesty International "Campaign to stop Violence Against Women"

Women's Right Picture

~ R E S O U R C E S~

C A N A D A

CALL 911

Amnesty Canada http://www.amnesty.ca 1-800-AMNESTY

Stopping The Violence Against Women

NationalClearing House on Violence 1-800-267-1291 TTY: 1-800-561-5643

Women Services Directory

Transition and/or Safe Houses Northern BC Canada (1 250 996 8000)

UNITED STATE OF AMERICA

National Domestic Hotline http://www.ndvh.org/ 1-800-799-SAFE

National Sexual Violence Resources http://www.nsvrc.org/ 1-877-739-3895

National Coalition Against Dometice Violence http://www.ncadv.org/

Every States Address: http://www.usdoj.gov/ovw/state.htm

Domestic Violence Agencies on the Internet

~ Remember me? ~ she said

2005-09-24T19:22:00.000-07:00

Time goes by so fast for me this month. I was not even sure what happened to my planned weekend for myself?? September is a month of crusade for men and women here in the Canada and around the world. Event after event sprung like a weed this month but for me the most important evenst that happened in my life this month are the following: ‘Take Back the Highway’; ‘Walk to remember’; and Terry Fox ‘Marathon of Hope’. I am going to talk about these in my blog,

Take Back the highway - is a event similar to the Take Back the Night In Septemenber men and women from FSJ and surrounding area will gather at the junction of HWY 16 and 27 to remember the women who have gone missing along Hwy 16. It is an even designed to raise awareness about violence against women. There were six women have gone missing along Hwy 16 in the past 10 years.

Violence Against Women is a crime in Canada

Abuse is Wrong in Any Language
This information is for immigrant women who are suffering from abuse in a relationship or in a family. If you know someone who is abused, give her this information. Ask her if she wants help. She may need your support. Tell her she is not alone.
As an immigrant woman you may feel alone. You may have trouble talking with people. If you are being abused, you may be afraid for yourself or your children. You may need to know more about Canadian law, your rights, and the kind of help you can get if you are being abused.

What is abuse?
You have been abused when another person hurts you or treats you badly.(Call the police or call a friend if you can)
The abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional, psychological or financial. You may experience more than one type of abuse. (Run outside - if you think you will be safer there and other people can see you)
Usually the abuser is a husband, ex-husband, boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend. Sometimes a member of your family or your husband’s family is the abuser. The abuser could be a woman, but is usually a man. (Scream - let the neighbours hear so that they will call the police)

There are some example of Physical Abuse:
* Hitting
* Pinching
* slapping
* pushing
* punching
* kicking
* burning
* shooting
* stabbing or cutting
These are crimes in Canada

Sexual Abuse is
Sexual touching or sexual activity when you do not consent to it
This is a crime in Canada

These are some example of emotional or psychological abuse:
* Making treats to harm you, someone you know or your pets
* Breaking your things
* stalking your

This is a crime in Canada

These are Some example of financial abuse:
* Taking your pay cheque
* withholding money from you so that you have no food or cannot get necessary medical treatment.
These are crimes in Canada

Other form of abuse are not crimes but they are still abuse.
- Humiliating you
- insulting you
- ignoring you
- screaming at you
- calling you names
- telling what you can do, where you can go, who your friends can be
- refusing to let you have any money

There are people who can help you. Call a Multicultural associating or a group that serves immigrants. Ask them where else Ask them where else you should call for help. The police will protect you and your children.
Also, you may be able to get
1. advice and counselling
2. a safe place to stay
3. financial help
4. legal help, which may be free of charge
5. help to leave - you can go to court to ask for custody of your children, financial support, or a divorce
6. a peace bond from a criminal court
7. an order from a civil or family court.
8. You can also get help if you decide to stay.

Where can you get more information?
1. women's shelter
2. police
3. Crown attorney's office
4. hospital
5. multicultural association
6. women's centre
7. YWCA
8. telephone crisis line
9. public legal education and information association
10. lawyer referral service
11. legal aid office
12. English as a second language teacher
13. doctor or public health nurse
14. social worker

You are not alone Abuse happens in all kinds of families. It happens to Canadian citizens and to immigrants.
It happens to women who have no children, to those who are rich, poor, professionals, full-time mothers, young, and old. It happens to women of all backgrounds, religions, races, cultures and ethnic origins. Abuse can happen at any stage of a relationship.

It is not your fault Talking about abuse can be difficult. Many women feel ashamed or are afraid their family and friends will not believe them. But, remember - nothing you do gives anyone the right to abuse you. There is no excuse for abuse. It is not your fault. Many women have found that there is a cycle of abuse. The tension builds for a while until the abuser acts violently. After the explosion or violence, there is a period of calm or quiet.

The abuser may say he is sorry and promise it will not happen again. However, in time the tension may build and the abuser may become violent again. The cycle of abuse continues.

The term ‘child abuse’ includes: physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, and neglect. Although we recognize different forms of abuse. It is important to remember that a child experiencing one form of abuse may also be experiencing other forms.
Physical Abuse: is the deliberate use of force on a child’s body which may result in an injury. Physical abuse is often connected to punishment or confused with discipline.
Emotional abuse: refers to persistent attack on a child’s sense of self. Example include humiliation, isolation, rejection, intimidation, and name-calling.
Sexual abuse: includes any sexual exploitation of a child whether consented to or not. It includes any behaviour of a sexual nature towards a child by an older child or adult.
Neglect - consists of omission on the part of the parent or caregiver to provide the basic necessities such as food, clothing, shelter, or to provide adequate medical care or adequate supervision to prevent injury.
Your children need protection
Boys who see abuse in their families are more likely to abuse their wives or partners when they grow up. Girls are more likely to accept abuse as a fact of life when they grow up and have relationships. Children who grow up watching adults act violently may think that violence at home is normal. If the abuser is also abusing your children, you should get help for them. Child abuse is against the law. You can go to a child welfare or family services agency for advice, help or counselling. Children should be protected from abuse.

Is it better to stay or to leave? You should think first about your safety and the safety of your children. You may fear that your family and friends will not support you if you leave. This may happen. But even if it does, it may be better for you and your children than continuing to suffer the abuse. You may choose to leave for a short time. Or you may decide to leave permanently but still not end your marriage or relationship.

Ask yourself:
How dangerous is it to stay?
Is there a gun in the house?
Has the abuser ever used a weapon, like a knife or stick, to hurt you?
Does the abuser take drugs or drink too much?

What if you decide to stay?
You might decide it is better for you to stay If you are injured, get medical treatment. You do not have to tell anyone who caused the injuries. But it is better for your treatment if you tell your doctor exactly what happened. Keeping notes or a diary about your injuries and the times you are abused may help if you decide to leave later. It is a good idea to have a plan ready in case you need to leave quickly. The first few pages of the telephone book may list the numbers for the police and other emergency services. It is a good idea to learn the police emergency number in case you need their help. Gather information, such as addresses and telephone numbers of people who can help you. If you can, save some money. Try to do things that make you feel better. You may be able to get counselling or learn new job skills. Look for friends and family members who will help you. If the abuser wants to change the way he acts, he can get counselling. With long-term help, some men have learned to stop being abusers. But it is very difficult for violent men to change. The abuse usually gets worse over time.

What about custody of your children?
If you leave an abusive situation, you can still apply for custody of your children. If you think your children will be safer, take them with you when you leave. Apply to the court immediately for a custody order. A lawyer can help you. Your lawyer can also help you ask the court to order your children's father to pay financial support for you and your children. The court will base its decision on what is best for the children.
If you get custody of the children, their father will likely be able to visit them. You might want to arrange for someone else to be there when the father picks up an returns the children.
If you are worried about your children's safety, your lawyer can ask the court to order that someone supervise the visits.
Tell your lawyer if you think your children's father will try to take them out of the country. If you ask, the court may order that the children's passports be kept by the court. If your children are Canadian citizens, call the Passport Office at 1-800-567-6868 or (613) 994-3560. Ask them to put the children's names on a list so you can be called if the children's father tries to get a passport for them. If your children have another nationality, contact that embassy or consulate to ask them to refuse passports for your children. If you have a custody order, it is a good idea to keep a copy with you, in case there is a problem. You can also give a copy to your children's school.

If you leave an abusive situation, will they deport you?
If you are a Canadian citizen or permanent resident you cannot be deported for leaving an abusive situation. (A permanent resident is sometimes called a landed immigrant.) If you do not know if you are a Canadian citizen, call your local citizenship office.
Look in the blue pages of the telephone book under Citizenship and Immigration. If you have been found to be a refugee, you can apply on your own to be a permanent resident. Being married or separated has no effect on your status. If you are a dependent of a refugee and he is in the process of applying for permanent residence for both of you, he can cancel your application. In this case, you can apply to be a refugee yourself. Or you can apply to be a permanent resident on compassionate and humanitarian grounds. You would need to show why you should stay in Canada. You should get legal advice. Call your local Canada Immigration Centre to get more information. Look in the blue pages of the telephone book under Citizenship and Immigration.

If your sponsorship breaks down, will you be deported?
As a sponsored immigrant, you would not be deported solely because your sponsorship has broken down.

What kind of help is there?
The police
You can call the police if the abuser assaults you or says he will. The police will come.
Many police officers are trained to deal with abuse in families and relationships. They can take you to a hospital if you need treatment. They can help you leave safely.
......................................................
Women's shelter
You can go to a shelter if there is one in your area. This is a safe place where you and your children can stay for a few weeks. Depending on your finances, you may be asked to pay for part of your stay. Staff and volunteers at the shelter will give you support and information. They will be able to help you get legal advice, financial help and a new place to live, if this is what you want.
They also have food, clothing, diapers and toys, in case you do not have time to pack. Shelters are run by community groups. Their telephone numbers are listed in the telephone book. They may be listed in the first few pages of the book with other emergency numbers.
They will not tell the abuser where you are. You can also call a shelter for advice. You do not even have to tell them your name.
......................................................
Financial assistance
If you do not have a job, you may need welfare or financial assistance. If you are a permanent resident or a citizen, you are eligible to apply. Other people can apply too. It depends on where you live. Provinces and territories have different rules about financial assistance. Call a provincial or territorial government office for advice. If you are a sponsored immigrant your first source of funding is your sponsor, but because of your situation you may be able to get financial assistance from the government. Generally, sponsored immigrants may apply for financial assistance.
When you go to court to apply for custody or to get a divorce, you can ask the court to order your children's father to pay financial support for you and the children.

What happens if...?
What happens if you report the abuser?
If the police have reason to believe you have been assaulted, the abuser may be charged. You will have to tell the police about the abuse. The police may also arrest the abuser, if they think there are grounds to do so. If the abuser is arrested, he might stay in jail only a few hours until he appears in court at the bail hearing. After that, the abuser may be allowed to leave, unless the court decides there is good reason to keep him in jail. If you are afraid for your safety, tell the police before the abuser is let go. The court may set conditions for his release. For example, the court may order that the abuser cannot call or see you. If the abuser does not obey the conditions, the police can arrest him again. If you are afraid he will hurt you when he is released, you may want to find a safe place to stay, like a women's shelter.
What happens if the police charge the abuser?
If the abuser pleads guilty to assaulting you or your children, the court will sentence him. The sentence may be a fine, probation, time in jail, or a combination of these things. The abuser may have to get counselling as part of probation. Jail sentences are rare, especially if this is his first time in court. If you are afraid, tell the Crown attorney. If he gets probation, it is possible for the court to set conditions on his release. If the abuser says he is not guilty, you will have to be a witness at his trial. It may be several months before the trial starts. If the court finds the abuser guilty, he will be sentenced. You can ask the Crown attorney if there are victim services in your province or territory to help you and to explain the court process. Will they deport the abuser?
If the abuser is a citizen he cannot be deported. If the abuser is a refugee or a permanent resident, he could be deported if a court convicts him of assault or another criminal offence. The deportation process could take a long time.

Abuse is more than beatings

-Does the abuser often find fault with you or tell you you are worthless? .......................
-Does the abuser refuse to let you have friends? .......................
-Does the abuser keep you from seeing your family? .......................
-Does the abuser stop you from leaving the house? .......................
-Does the abuser make you feel afraid by what he says?

If you are abused
-You are not alone . -It is not you fault . -There is help . -Protect yourself and your children

Things to take with you if you leave

In an emergency, leave as quickly as possible. Do not stop to collect the things on this list. Just go. But if you have time, try to take as many of these things as you can.
-important documents such as:

- birth certificates - passports - citizenship papers - immigration papers -child custody papers

- court orders such as a peace bond - health cards - social insurance card - his social insurance number

- money - credit cards -cheque book, bank book, savings bond -personal telephone and address book

-medicine -house keys -driver's licence and car keys -children's favourite toys -clothing for a few days - valuable jewellery
If you are thinking about leaving you might want to collect some of these things and put them in a safe place, in case you decide to leave quickly.

Words used

assault - An assault happens when someone uses force or the threat of force on someone else without that person's consent.
bail hearing - This is a court proceeding that happens after a person has been arrested and charged. The court decides if the person should be released with conditions, such as being told he cannot contact you, or held in jail until the charges are dealt with by the court.
criminal harassment - If he is repeatedly following you or communicating with you, or watching you or behaving in a threatening manner towards you or your children, he is committing an offence called criminal harassment. This is sometimes called stalking.
Crown attorney - This is the lawyer who represents the government. The Crown attorney presents the case to the court when a crime has been committed.
custody -If you have custody of your children, you are legally responsible for making the major decisions about your children's upbringing and schooling. When you have custody, your children usually live with you, but will likely visit their father.
legal help - Legal help is available from a lawyer or a legal aid office. Legal help may be free of charge. Contact a lawyer referral service, a legal aid office, or a public legal education and information association to find out where you can get legal help and if you can get help free of charge.
order from a civil or family court - If you are afraid for your safety, and you do not want to call the police for help, you may be able to get an order from a civil or family court stating that the abuser must stay away from you. You should get legal help to find out about types of civil or family court orders in your province or territory.
peace bond - If you are afraid for your safety, you may be able to get a peace bond. This is a criminal court order with conditions. For example, the abuser may be told he is not allowed to see you, write to you, or telephone you. If he does not follow the order, the police may arrest him. If you want to know more about a peace bond you can ask a lawyer.
probation - This is a criminal court order that can be part of a sentence for an offender. A person on probation will have conditions set on release, such as going to counselling.

R E S O U R C E S
For more information call:
Alberta
Alberta Council of Women's Shelters
(403)456-7000
The Legal Aid Society of Alberta
(403)297-2260 (Calgary) (403)427-7575
(Edmonton)
Legal Resource Centre
(403)492-5732
Public Legal Education Network of Alberta
(403)492-5732

...............................................................

British Columbia
B.C./Yukon Society of Transition Houses
(604)669-6943
Law Courts Education Society of British Columbia
(604)660-9870
Legal Services Society of B.C.
(604)660-4600
The People's Law School
(604)688-2565

...............................................................

Manitoba
Community Legal Education Association (Manitoba)
(204)943-2382
Legal Aid Services of Manitoba
(204)985-8550
(Family Law Office)
Manitoba Association of Women's Shelters Inc.
(204)785-8065

New Brunswick
Department of Justice, Province of New
Brunswick, Domestic Legal Aid Program
(506)453-2452
New Brunswick Coalition of Transition Houses
(506)648-0481
Public Legal Education and Information Service of New Brunswick
(506)453-5369

...............................................................

Newfoundland
Newfoundland Legal Aid Commission
(Newfoundland only)
1-800-563-9911
Provincial Association Against Family Violence
(709)739-6759
Public Legal Information Association of
Newfoundland
(709)722-2643

...............................................................

Northwest Territories
Arctic Public Legal Education and
Information Society
(403)920-2360
Legal Services Board of
the N.W.T.
(403)873-7450
N.W.T. Association of Family Violence Prevention Workers
(819)979-4500

Nova Scotia
Nova Scotia Legal Aid Commission
(902)420-6565
Public Legal Education Society of Nova Scotia
(902)423-7154
Transition House Association of Nova Scotia
(902)429-7287

...............................................................

Ontario
Community Legal Education Ontario
(416)408-4420
Ontario Association of Interval and Transition Houses
(416)977-6619
Ontario Legal Aid Plan
(416)947-3333
(Dial-a-Law)
(416)947-3330
(Lawyer Referral Service)

...............................................................

Prince Edward Island
Community Legal Information Association of Prince Edward Island
(902)892-0853
Department of Provincial Affairs and
Attorney General of Prince Edward Island
(902)368-6043
Prince Edward Island Transition House
Association
(902)894-3354

Saskatchewan
Provincial Association of Transition Houses in Saskatchewan
(306)978-6654
Public Legal Education Association of Saskatchewan
(306)653-1868
Saskatchewan Legal Aid Commission
1-800-667-3764
(Saskatchewan only)

...............................................................

Quebec
Fédération de ressources
d'hébergement pour femmes violentées et en difficulté du Québec
(514)674-0324
Regroupement provincial des maisons d'hébergement et de transition pour
femmes victimes de violence conjugale (514)279-2007

...............................................................

Yukon
B.C./Yukon Society of Transition Houses
(604)669-6943
Yukon Legal Services
Society
(403)667-5210
Yukon Public Legal
Education Association
(403)667-4305

National Clearinghouse on
Family Violence
Health Canada
Ottawa, Ontario
Toll free 1-800-267-1291
Toll Free 1-800-561-5643

Remember abuse can happen to anyone and you are not alone on this.

~ Catch – 22 Professionalisms Competencies ~

2005-09-07T23:57:00.000-07:00

Last week life event was filled with excitement and maze. I went to Vancouver visiting my friends and during my visit I went bloghopping on my spare time. Usually I am not into leaving comments and among other things. If I would leave tag mostly just to say 'hello'. However, I got my attention to one particular blog, belong to a Public Servant’s Blog (everyone knows where she works) and I was concerned. It was just 4 paragraphs story and with that I am able to find the name of the patient, her daughter, her room number and which hospital she is staying.

Title: Last Night

The story goes ………….I held my tears in disbelief… I wouldn’t want to see myself like CARMEN when I get older. … Carmen said she missed her only daughter CAROL so much. That last time she saw Carol was when she brought her to the Rehabilitations Hospital about three years ago ………
……….. I saw an old lady in her mid-50’s passed by the Nurse Station around 7pm last night.
………. The old lady turned and finally wave and smiled at me…. She came out of the room 401 silently. Carmen must have fallen asleep.”

This information was given freely without hesitation or concern for the safety and knowledge of those individual. I did not waste time or effort to think. As an advocate of women and children’s right I have to do something. It can not be like this. I acted upon. I wrote my comments to the Public Servant blog about breaching of confidentiality. I was concern about the impact and the outcome for those people. My intention was to share a bit of legal information for her sake. Before long I got my self into a maze of vicious circle of professionals.

With my profession, I have signed oath of confidentially. I am not allowed to discuss any information to anyone without client release of information. I am not allowed to mention names when searching for assistance from outside agency. We used scenarios and general questions if a client does not want to be known. We are not allowed to use names or abbreviations. I am not allowed to acknowledge my client anywhere after I am done my job with her because of breach of confidentiality.

FYI

STANDARD OF PRACTICE AND COMPETENCIES FOR HEALH CARE PROVIDER

LICENSED PRACTICAL NURSE (for details click here)

STANDARD 1 – Responsibilities and accountability – A LPN maintains standards of nursing practice, professional conduct and safety in the practice setting.

STANDARD 2 – Knowledge – A LPN bases practice on knowledge derived from the study of nursing, health, and other sciences, and humanities.

STANDARD 3 – Application of Knowledge – LPN, identifies clients’ actual or potentials health, strength, and limitations, plans intervention, performs planned interventions and evaluates outcomes.

STANDARD 4 – Ethical and Legal Practice – LPN adheres to the ethical and legal obligations of the professions

STANDARD 5 – Provision of services to the public – LPN collaborates with clients and other member of the health care team in provision of health care services to the Public.
“Commits to the principle that the primary purpose of the professional nurse is to serve the Public”

STANDARD 6 – Self – Regulation – LPN, assumes responsibility for maintaining competence and fitness to practice. “Maintains mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being".

According to Canadian Nurse Association (code of ethic for RN) - Confidentiality - Nurse safeguard information learned in the context of a professional relationship, and ensure it is shared outside the health care team only with the person's informed consent, or as may be legally required, or where the failure to disclose would cause significant harm.

It is the responsibility of individual professional to act professional and be accountable for their own action. Am I wrong to defending someone’s freedom? It is just my opinion and by opening my comments box I am acknowledging other people opinion and theories.

~ Aggression Vs. Kindness ~

2005-09-06T02:19:00.000-07:00

I was searching for some ideas and one of the web page got my attention. It is very interesting topic to read, I guess for me hehehe.

We are living in a society where the aggressive and strong are rewarded, yet our parents teach us to be kind and considerate. We are sent out as young adults into a world that is fast paced and where we are forced to work hard for the things we want in life. In this society filled with aggression, can a person be aggressive and still maintain kindness? First let’s look at the meaning of each of these words. Kindness as defined in the dictionary is sympathy, consideration, benevolence and generosity. Aggression is defined as an unprovoked attack; hostile activity. However, the term aggressive can have more than one meaning. The second meaning in the dictionary implies that aggression can be defined as characteristic of someone full of enterprise, and initiative; someone who is bold and active, aggression as power of action. Although aggression is often considered a negative quality it does have some positive aspects. In our society we need aggression as power of action to do well and prosper. Considering aggression does not necessarily mean being hostile, aggression as power of action is compatible with kindness. A person can be bold and strong therefore holding a kind of aggression and still be kind to others. For example, if a person is trying hard to accomplish something, pushing themselves, being aggressive to make happen what they want, they can still maintain kindness to those around them. They can be polite to friends, family and coworkers. There are many ways that aggression as power of action can also be in conflict with kindness. A person may be trying hard to reach a goal, but while doing this they forget to consider how others are affected by their actions. They may push harder than needed and hurt others in the process of getting what they want. In such a case this person is no longer being kind. It is easy to see that aggression as hostile activity is incompatible with kindness; attacking others is hurtful and dangerous. Being hostile towards friends and family is not only hurtful to them, but is also usually hurtful to oneself. Being aggressive in this manner can damage relationships and have a negative impact on ones life. There are times when it is hard to tell if you or someone around you is being too aggressive or just being bold and taking charge. However, there is usually a noticeable difference. For example, in the workplace, if you are looking for a new job, you could be aggressive in a positive way by not giving up and pushing to succeed. On the other hand, if you were to try and steal someone else’s job than you would be using aggression in a negative manner. Allowing oneself to be aggressive is a delicate business. Aggression should be avoided when possible, as positive aggression is easily turned into negative aggression. If everyone is conscientious of their actions and uses aggression with caution it can be a positive quality and can help to create what people want in their lives.

What do you think?